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SATIRICAL ANASTOMOSIS


A real story depicting pain, patience & ultimate quandary.

By | ISHFAQ PIRZADA

Date 7/10/2017. Day, Saturday. Time, 1am (midnight). The location is SMHS Hospital Srinagar. Date is unique. Because 7102017 is a palindrome. I knew this right now because I’m at a place where I was recalled of all my past sins. My father is,a few moments back, shifted to PAICU-post anaesthesia intensive care unit. He was operated for the removal of some intestinal obstruction. It was a major surgery & I, along with my three brothers was the attendant. Enjoying the harshest hours of my life has been my hobby but I kneel down to pray that such hours never come in your life. It needs patience to be an attendant. A lot of incidents happen. A lot of friends & prayers are earned. We are here since 8 long days. The experience is not to be expressed. I have some incidents to share as I’ve got an hour to relax.
Here comes the incharge staff nurse. Colliding with me, because I’m insomniac since a week & such collisions are expected. She has a yell at me. ‘Cze maa maess czattan woal'(I reckon you are a braid chopper.’) She is not to be blamed. Reason, I’ve not bathed since a week neither have changed clothes. Facially I look horror. She carries on his duty-being so much professional. I pray that she doesn’t get her braid chopped ever otherwise I may be booked.
Incident number two. Here comes the sweeper. My younger brother-MBBS final,on duty at the same medical institution, is removing some finished off fluid bottle & incidentally the bottle falls on the floor. With a huge sigh, the sweeper yells at the brother/Doctor-‘tuhi chuv tae gujjar ruziv tae gujjar.’ (You are gujjars and you will remain so…..) Again the sweeper is not to be blamed. Because she doesn’t know Ruveda Salaam or Shah Faesal or Gani Lone or any other gujjar who would’ve served her as an info to get out of the gujjar phobia. Conventionally, Brother/doctor gives a smile and the sweeper carries on. Beautiful scene once again-I enjoy the harshest hours of my life.
The third very incident. It pinches a bit. & is still pinching. But once we are discharged,i will forget. Here comes the Nursing orderly. She’s supposed to check the prescribed fluid flow & drugs. She’s also supposed to make convenient the bedding etc. She’s an officer at her own obviously. The brother/lecterur is standing next to her in front of the stretcher. Something is out of her focus as she seems dissatisfied with her inspection. Brother/lecterur speaks in a low murmuring tone-‘madam ji kya chuv garaa? (madam ji what are you looking for?) When dialect changes every 10 kilometres,why shouldn’t the ascent? Perhaps the orderly is irritated with the ascent. Surely she is. She replies-‘kya chook vanaan,groos katiuk taam'(what are you asking,some urban stooge-though with low tone.) Let’s not blame her too. She’s an officer. A nursing orderly appearing once during the night in the ward. Brother is a bit hotter & I can smell the mercury rising in him. But i interfared his nerves. Words have significance, sometimes silence too. & he agreed.
Then the last incident. To my discomfort, this time Father/patient is the subject & a trainee doctor is the object. Oxford dictionary shows the meaning of word uncle as ‘Chacha’. But irionically the dictionary of our wise rural people have this meaning otherwise. Their interpretation is unique & irionical too. Here, Otherwise employs-Chacha,a lethargic old man with no fault but bad for the sight of so called smart people & a sore for their eyes. Here comes the trainee-an MBBS student active since three years but without manners, embedded with some filthy attitude. This time the attributer is male. The way he communicates with father/Chacha is quiet gruesome. He asks-‘Chacha beh sa suidd,kyah chukk karaan cze etc'(hey lethargic old man what’s wrong with you,stay with manners…..) All this is displayed by him as if he has been born out of a philospher’s stone. As if he’s an exception to the mankind. Or else he has taken this very quote a bit more serious-do not love your patients,treat them. Let’s not blame him too. When we can’t impart morality into our own children,how can we expect this medico to be moral? Let the better sense prevail.
These lines are being written at the time when all the veins and nerves are hibernating. Only physical movement is visible-because an attendant knows what a patient deserves & what it takes to be in a ward for 8 long days.
This write up will be a humour for some. And a lesson for others. For me, its an introspection. I too have a profession. I’m a nation builder-teacher. If I don’t introspect,I may be a bulldozer,not a builder. Similarly,all other professionals have their job profile. The nature of the job varies but in the end it’s all civil service. Let’s modify our approach. Let’s quantify our attitude. Let’s mould our nature. Man is a social animal. But when he forgets the society,he remains only an animal. Let’s be humans and respect humanity. Personalities will come & personalities will go, but it’s humanity which will be remembered through ages. If we have been left with some asset,it is our religion and our culture. Exaggerating for nothing ruins the self respect. May God bless the youth & the professional strata of our vale with Emaan, knowledge,morality, discipline, progress and patience
For any type of feedback/criticism:
Pirzada Ishfaq.
Reshigund Kupwara.
Teacher,Govt HSS Warsun,Kupwara.
[email protected]
9622487871